I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
