I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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