this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
