are you still at the devil's house?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
