Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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