is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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