is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
