I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
