Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
