I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
