You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
