Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
