mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my being single is dangerous.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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