So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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