I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
