We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize