not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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