you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
