I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
