I should be sponsored by Trojan
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
