Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
