I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
