My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my phone needs a breathalizer
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
