Moan for me like Helen Keller
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
