you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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