Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
