i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
