So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
