hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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