Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
