you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize