We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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