So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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