Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
