Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
