I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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