so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
