Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
