I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
