and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
