Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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