There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
