i would punch a child for taco bell
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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