Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
