When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
