I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize