K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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