I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
