I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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