I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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