I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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