I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
