the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
