shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
