The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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