i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm both gender and math confused
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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