the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize