You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
