:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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