Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
