Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We named our party play list daddy issues
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had to cum in my sink.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
