I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
