cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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