Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
