woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
