So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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