Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
