i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
