NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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