and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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